Good Bye, my Almost Friend…

A few days ago I wrote that I was going through a difficult time letting some people go. I go through this every so often when I realize that I am spending energy where energy and effort are not appreciated and welcomed to do what I had intended it to do. And before I know it I’m involved in giving, giving and more giving, until I feel drained and sad – because then comes the time when I realize that people are going in circles like rats on their wheels – and I find myself having joined them…

Then I met a super nice person who seemed to defy those rules and the neediness simply wasn’t present. In fact he was refreshing, independent and just fun to be around – happy. And yet he was vulnerable and open in a relatable kind of way, and a fun friendship started off in a great way. Then I discovered that it was wrong, not mutually beneficial and I got hurt. I put him on the list of people I needed to “let go.” And although we’re still friendly there is a big gap between us that I dislike intensely. And every time I run into him, I just want to cry and break down (and I do in the silence of the bathroom stall or the corner of a lonely room), because I miss the innocence of our friendship, or at least what was the beginning of it.

So here to my “almost friend”: “I’m so sorry for whatever it is I have done to you to cause this gap between us and to make you pull away. Please forgive me. I wish I knew what made you pull back so I could change and fix it. But you don’t seem as broken as I feel; my heart is hurting and the crying cannot go on; and so I let you go in peace and I honor your wish to take the space before you move to another State in a few weeks' time. May your life journey be accompanied with unconditional love and happiness, with health and all the good things life has to offer. You deserve it so much.”

And as I am constantly on my journey to improve and to grow and learn and become the woman I truly want to be, it never fails for me to get nuggets of wisdom “from above” - right now in the words from Christian Larson:

“The fact that you have failed to get the lesser proves conclusively that you deserve the greater. So therefore, dry those tears and go in search of the worthier prize. Count nothing lost even the day that sees “no worthy action done” may be a day of preparation and accumulation that will add greatly to the achievements of tomorrow. Many a day was made famous because nothing was done the day before. Know what you want and continue to want it. You will get it if you combine desire with faith. The power of desire when combined with faith becomes invincible. Some of the principal reasons why so many fail to get what they want is because they do not definitely know what they want or because they change their wants almost every day.”