You Are Magnificant!

Nelson Mandela gave a speech in 1994, which was written by Marianne Williamson. The first time I heard it, it was as if finally someone understood my fears and had the courage to put them on paper. It was then that I realized that it was not failure that scares most people, because most people are so familiar with the monster "failure," but that it was success that was most frightening to us, because it was the unknown and the insecure and the "what if."

To this day I have to read this portion over and over again, to keep reminding myself that I have a light to shine for all to see, so their paths can be illumined. May these words below soothe you and spur you on let go of all the non-beneficial and let shine from within you all the good that you are - because you are simply magnificant!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

A Most Unique and Wonderful Experience!

For the last two days I have been re-writing this post over and over in my head, not knowing if and how I can possibly put such an amazing, unique and wonderful experience into words. And I have come to the conclusion that there are simply not enough words in the English language to describe unconditional love the way I have experienced it just this week, with a complete stranger that is!

So brace yourself because this may sound strange, weird, outrageous or even unreal – and believe me, it was profound, magical and earth-shaking (I’m sure somewhere).

Have you ever met a complete stranger and you just knew that you had met this person before but you also knew that it wasn’t in this life time? The person feels so much like “home” to you that you can’t explain the feeling that overcomes you because you’ve never experienced it and you also look at reality and it’s not (this) reality at all. You’re like two galaxies apart from this person. And yet there is this oneness that only the two of you experience and feel? It’s as if you’re ONE and the same, like twin brother and sister.

I have many similar of these experiences and I no longer worry about telling the person or wanting the person to know, I just let it be and I’m at peace with that knowing. But this has been by far one of the most profound experiences for me. What made this encounter different was that we were both able to recognize it, admit it, talk about it and cry through it together.

What’s so profound about this is the different worlds that we live in on this plane, and there was no judgment. It would not be a good match for this person and I to be a couple, the mechanics are off, the life goals don’t match, our age is too far apart, we live too far apart, etc. etc. What does match, however, is our history together over lifetimes. And only he and I know the depth of it because we both recognized the depth of those experiences and the connection allows us to truly feel unconditional love for each other. It’s as if no time had ever passed through any of our life times...

This man has brought me more blessings and more healing and more gifts in the few hours we talked than I had experienced before. In 15 years of being married I hadn’t felt as emotionally secure than talking to this man on the phone for 1 hour. Anyone who hasn't experienced this would think there’s something wrong with this picture. And yet it is a testimony that unconditional love knows no time and no boundaries. And unconditional love can truly not be explained or put in words. It just is in its silent "I am" vibration.

My girlfriend was with me when we met him and I tried to explain to her the depth of our connection and the sweetness of his soul; she didn’t quite understand or comprehend it. So I don’t expect anyone else to get it either. The only person who “got it” is him. And I’m okay with that. And yet I hope to encourage you to be receptive and open to those you meet. You never know if the person at the cash register or gas station next to you was a dear friend, brother or sister, or a spouse to you in a previous life time.

This is for you my blessed friend:

“Jake, as we have both agreed to meet up at this time to restore each others’ faith, I want to thank you with every molecule of my essence for sticking to your side of the agreement. I hope I have been able to do the same for you. Thank you for your openness, for crying with me, for being one with me on a soul level, for understanding me, for lifting me up, for appreciating me, for respecting me and for loving me so unconditionally. You have given me more gifts than you know and I still cry tears of love for you. As our paths crossed for merely an hour or two, you know we have walked life times together and I continue to support you energetically on your journeys. I wish you growth and love and passion for what you’ve come here to do. And may you soon meet the love of your life to build a family with. I'll see you on the other side some day... I love you. Chaszey"

Do Your Eyes Sparkle?

Hhhhm, one of my all time favorite words is "Transmutation" (or Transformation). I love change, although it can be scary. Change has always blessed me with the unknown and the unknown has always had suprise blessings in store for me. So it is only natural that I want to share this with you...

Christian Larson: “When the creative energies are daily transmuted, and turned into muscle, brain and mind, a virtuous life can be lived without inconvenience. Besides, the body will be healthier, the personality stronger and the mind more brilliant. Hold yourself constantly in a positive, masterful attitude, and fill that attitude with kindness. The result will be that remarkable something that people call personal magnetism. Create energy when retained in the system will give vigor to the body, sparkle to the eye, and genius to the brain. There is enough power in any man to enable him to realize all his desires and reach the highest good he has in view. It is only necessary that all of this power be constructively applied.”

Having Faith

I love these words of wisdom!

Christian Larson: “Be good and kind to everybody and the world will be kind to you. There may be accasional exceptions to this rule, but when they come pass them by and they will not come again. Ideals need the best of care. Weeds can grow without attention, but not so with the roses. Not all minds are pure that think they are. Many of them are simply dwarfed. It does not pay to lose faith in anybody. It is better to have faith in everybody and be deceived occasionally than to mistrust everybody and be deceived almost constantly. When you meet a person who does not look well, call their attention to the sunny side of things, and aim to say something that will give them new interest and new life. You will thereby nip in the bud many a threatening evil, and carry healing with you wherever you go.”

Removing the Sting, the Whine and the Sigh

I am not much for whining, sighing or suffering in general, but as of lately I have to admit that my feelings are getting hurt easier than when I was younger. My threshold for pain, both physical and emotional, is declining as I get older, whereas with most people they can endure more pain. Not for me! I haven't quite figured out why this is. But I will continue to search my soul. In the meantime I hope Christian Larson's words are as healing to you as they are to me:

“Remove the sting; remove the whine; remove the sigh. They are your enemies. They are never conducive to happiness; and we all live to gain happiness, to give happiness. From every word remove the sting. Speak kindly. To speak kindly and gently to everybody is the mark of a great soul. And it is your privilege to be a great soul. From the tone of your voice remove the whine. Speak with joy. Never complain. The more you complain, the smaller you become, and the fewer will be your friends and opportunities. Speak tenderly, speak sweetly, speak with love. From all the outpourings of your heart, remove the sigh. Be happy and contented always. Let your spirit sing, let your heart dance, let your soul declare the glory of existence, for truly life I beautiful. Every sigh is a burden, a self-inflicted burden. Every whine is a maker of trouble, a forerunner of failure. Every sting is a destroyer of happiness, a dispenser of bitterness. To live in the world of sighs is to be blind to everything that is rich and beautiful. The more we sigh, the less we live, for every sigh leads to weakness, defeat, and death. Remove the sting, remove the whine, remove the sigh. They are not your friends. There is better company waiting for you.” (yes, that's what I'm talking about!)

Special Update on Dating

Ah, I so enjoyed myself to have a first date in so many years. I was watching my thoughts throughout the day to see if I was sabotaging myself by thinking negative thoughts, and I have to admit, I definitely caught myself thinking thoughts like: "I wonder if he'll show up." "He'll probably be late." "He won't like me for whatever reason."

Just stupid thoughts that are so very counter productive. Each time I thought a negative thought, I nipped it in the bud and immediately confirmed: "I'm a child of God and all is well."

So yes, he was a little late after all, but he called beforehand. I so appreciated that! Mind you, he lives an hour away and came over during rush hour traffic.

The strangest thing happened during our dinner. The gentleman next to us was eaves-dropping on our conversation and eventually interrupted our discussion by giving his 2 cents of input. Then when my date went to the restroom, the gentleman who interrupted us previously, handed me a note telling me that he went to the cash register to write this note and I should read it when I get home. Weird!? Yes, to say the least. And definitely gutsy.

Our date lastet 3 hours and we had great conversation. One of the main reasons I was attracted to him is because he's been single for the last 3 years after coming out of a relationship, which changed his life quite a bit. There is nothing more attractive to me than a guy who knows what he wants and understands that he cannot grow himself with someone else dangling on him, a guy who chooses time alone to figure out who he is rather than hopping from relationship to the next. There is nothing more of a turn off to me than a guy who constantly needs to be with a woman, a girl friend, a friend with benefits, or his buddies, a guy that can't be alone for fear he would drown in silence. In short, a guy who sells out.

He restored my faith on many levels because he is such a nice, nice guy with a side to him that is so endearing and heart warming. And still, there is no match for me for many reasons and on many levels. And that's okay.

As far as the note is concerned, it read: "I'm sorry to meet you this way. You seem like a good woman who is warm and kind hearted. Please call me. Name and phone number." And no, I won't call because he was disrespectful to me and my date...

Today I have to muster up the courage and the right words to pass on to my date that there won't be a second date. It's because of this that I have refused to date in the past - and I just have to get this lesson. Please say a prayer for him that he'll be okay.

Have a great and awesome day today!

How To Live a Great Life

Do you ever feel tired and exhausted; not physically, but of life in general?

I have always struggled in the past with the fact that I am living on this plane at this time. I don't feel at home here, never have and I continue to try to make this planet my home. With it comes growing as a human being, or as a Being in general.

Christian Larson: “He who would become great must live a great life. Happiness adds life, power, and worth to all your talents and powers. It is most important therefore, that every moment should be full of joy. However much you may do, always remember you have the ability to do more. No one has yet applied all the ability in their possession. But all of us should learn to apply a greater measure every year. While you are waiting for an opportunity to improve your time, improve yourself. The man or woman who never weakens when things are against them, will grow stronger and stronger until they will have the power to cause all things to be for them.”

A Side Note on Manifesting

Last week I told my good friend that I really wanted to take dance lessons (ballroom and latin dances) and that I just had to put my intentions out there (since I don't have a partner) that it would work out okay. I also told her that I would like to start dating (golly, I haven't had a date in 20 years and it's time).

And I'm so exited to announce that one of my students sent me a flyer from Cheryl Burke (Dancing with the Stars) who lives only about 10-15 minutes from me, who is holding ballroom and latin dance lessons! No partner needed!

AND - I have my first date tonight in decades, literally! I feel very much like a teenager about this, have no clue what to wear, what to say (and not say), what to ask (and not to ask), how to behave (and not behave) - dang, can anyone send me that "rule book"? I hope he's forgiving...Wish me luck!

So for all those out there who doubt that setting your intentions won't manifest into outer reality, think again! You are truly your own Michael Angelo - sculpt away the most beautiful life that you think up...and watch it become real right in front of your eyes...

Personal Growth

Since most of you are on a journey to self-discovery, your personal growth is of utmost importance to you. Please allow me to share more Christian Larson nuggest of wisdom:


“Say to yourself a hundred times every day, and mean it with all your heart: ‘I will become more than I am. I will achieve more and more every day because I know that I can. I will recognize only that which is good in myself, only that which is good in others; only that in all things and places that I know should live and grow. When adversity threatens I will be more determined than every in my life to prove that I can turn all things to good account. And when those whom I have trusted seem to fail me, I will have a thousand times more faith in the honor and nobleness of man. I will think only of that which has virtue and worth. I will wish only for that which can give freedom and truth. I will expect only that which I can add to the welfare of the race. I will live to live more. I will speak to give encouragement, inspiration and joy. I will work to be of service to an every increasing number. And in every thought, word and action my ruling desire shall be, to enrich, ennoble and beatify existence for all who come my way.’”

Are you a Pessimist or an Optimist?

This is a big one for me. I always want myself to be an optimist, but just this weekend my friend said to me: "you worry about the weirdest things before they even happen." It hit me like a brick wall because she was right!

So here is your own test based on Christian Larson's wisdom:

“The optimist lives under a clear sky; the pessimist lives in a fog.

"The pessimist hesitates,, and loses both time and opportunity; the optimist makes the best use of everything now, and builds themselves up, steadily and surely, until all adversity is overcome and the object in view realized.

"The pessimist curbs their energies and concentrates their whole attention upon failure; the optimist gives all their thought and power to the attainment of success, and arouses their faculties and forces to the highest point of efficiency.

"The pessimist waits for better times, and expects to keep on waiting; the optimist goes to work with the best that is at hand now, and proceeds to create better times.

"The pessimist pours cold water on the fires of their own ability; the optimist adds fuel to those fires.

"The pessimist links their mind to everything that is losing ground; the optimist lives, thinks and works with everything that is determined to press on.

"The pessimist places a damper on everything; the optimist gives life, fire and go to everything. The optimist is a building force; the pessimist is always an obstacle in the way of progress.

"The pessimist lives in a dark, soggy unproductive world, the optimist lives in that mental sunshine that makes all things grow.”

Good Bye, my Almost Friend…

A few days ago I wrote that I was going through a difficult time letting some people go. I go through this every so often when I realize that I am spending energy where energy and effort are not appreciated and welcomed to do what I had intended it to do. And before I know it I’m involved in giving, giving and more giving, until I feel drained and sad – because then comes the time when I realize that people are going in circles like rats on their wheels – and I find myself having joined them…

Then I met a super nice person who seemed to defy those rules and the neediness simply wasn’t present. In fact he was refreshing, independent and just fun to be around – happy. And yet he was vulnerable and open in a relatable kind of way, and a fun friendship started off in a great way. Then I discovered that it was wrong, not mutually beneficial and I got hurt. I put him on the list of people I needed to “let go.” And although we’re still friendly there is a big gap between us that I dislike intensely. And every time I run into him, I just want to cry and break down (and I do in the silence of the bathroom stall or the corner of a lonely room), because I miss the innocence of our friendship, or at least what was the beginning of it.

So here to my “almost friend”: “I’m so sorry for whatever it is I have done to you to cause this gap between us and to make you pull away. Please forgive me. I wish I knew what made you pull back so I could change and fix it. But you don’t seem as broken as I feel; my heart is hurting and the crying cannot go on; and so I let you go in peace and I honor your wish to take the space before you move to another State in a few weeks' time. May your life journey be accompanied with unconditional love and happiness, with health and all the good things life has to offer. You deserve it so much.”

And as I am constantly on my journey to improve and to grow and learn and become the woman I truly want to be, it never fails for me to get nuggets of wisdom “from above” - right now in the words from Christian Larson:

“The fact that you have failed to get the lesser proves conclusively that you deserve the greater. So therefore, dry those tears and go in search of the worthier prize. Count nothing lost even the day that sees “no worthy action done” may be a day of preparation and accumulation that will add greatly to the achievements of tomorrow. Many a day was made famous because nothing was done the day before. Know what you want and continue to want it. You will get it if you combine desire with faith. The power of desire when combined with faith becomes invincible. Some of the principal reasons why so many fail to get what they want is because they do not definitely know what they want or because they change their wants almost every day.”

When Failure Comes...

Sometimes I wonder if it will be ever revealed to me how many times have I thrown in the towel right before success would have been evident. How often have I given up just when it became hardest? How many times was I right at the brink of success? I have said this before, I knew that "where there is a will there is a way," what I didn't know is how long I had to show that I had the will, before I was shown the way.

Christian Larson says the following:

"When failure comes, be more determined than ever to succeed. The more feeling there is in your thought the greater its power. You steadily and surely become in the real what you constantly and clearly think that you are in the ideal. The more you believe in yourself the more of your latent powers and possibilities you place in action. And the more you believe in your purpose the more of your power you apply in promoting that purpose. To him who thinks he can, everything is an opportunity. Depend only upon yourself but work in harmony with all things. This you call froth the best that is in yourself and secure the best that external sources have to give."

I want to encourage you, dear reader, to never give up believing in yourself. You are all you have, had and ever will have. It's in your mind - no one can touch that or control that (at least not in this day and age). So let your internal world be one of magnificance! Because you are so unique and so full of wonders inside...

Change!

And here is Christian Larson's take on change. I really can't add anything to it. His words are so soothing to me and I hope they are just as pleasant to your soul:

"The greatest remedy in the world is change; and change implies the passing from the old to the new. It is also the only path that leads from the lesser to the greater, from the dream to the reality, from the wish to the heart’s desire fulfilled.

"It is change that brings us everything we want. It is the opposite of change that holds us back from that which we want.

"But change is not always external. Real change, or rather the cause of all change, is always internal. It is the change in the within that first produces the change in the without. To go from place to place is not a change unless it produces a change of mind a renewal of mind. It is the change of mind that is the change desired. It is the renewal of mind that produces better health, more happiness, great power, the increase of life, and the consequent increase of all that is good in life. And the constant renewal of mind – the daily change of mind – is possible regardless of times, circumstances or places. He who can change his mind every day and think the new about everything every day, will always be well; he will always have happiness; he will always be free; his life will always be interesting; he will constantly move forward into the larger, the richer and the better; and whatever is needed for his welfare today, of that he shall surely have abundance."

Right Thinking

Is there such a thing as right and wrong thinking?

According to Christian Larson there is:

"Life is growth and the object of right thinking is to promote that growth. Give less time trying to change the opinions of others, and more time trying to improve your own life. Life becomes the way it is lived; and man may live the way he wants to live when he learns to think what he wants to think. Create your own thought and you become what you want to become because your thought creates you. We all know that man is as he thinks. Then we must think only such thoughts as tend to make us what we wish to be. The secret of right thinking is found in always keeping the mind’s eye stayed upon the greater and the better in all things."

I realize that we are "creatures of habit." We love to keep things the same. Most people do not like change. I have taken inventory of my life and continue to do so, and I recognize that the times I grow the most are the times during change. Whether this is to change the route I use to go grocery shopping, a change in dentist or a change in living situations. Whether it's a change in technology or the way my handwriting looks - change is good, change is great - change brings growth.

I met with my ex-husband yesterday and we talked for several hours over a good cup of coffee. Now that we're both in our 40s it was easy to look back and use "hindsight" as our best friend to get an overview of how each of us has changed and grown. It was interesting to see that although time didn't seem to exist, we have grown worlds apart during these last 20 years. We met when we were very young, got married and had a daughter. He's approach the half-century mark very soon, and I'm in my 40s. We talked about growing up and the things we used to love to do as teenagers and how we've changed. And it was interesting to see that he still doesn't like change, he wants things "the same" because it offers him comfort. I want change more than anything because I know that with change comes growth.

And then I got it: change to him means insecurity and loss. Change to me means growth and gain.

It's okay to be different - it's what makes this world an exiting place to live in.

Dreaming Always

Christian Larson says: "Dream constantly of the ideal; work ceaselessly to perfect that real. Believe in yourself; believe in everybody; believe in all that has existence. Give the body added strength; give the mind added brilliancy; give the soul added inspiration. Do your best under every circumstance, and believe that every circumstance will give its best to you. Live for the realization of more life and for the more efficient use of everything that proceeds from life. Desire eternally what you want; and act always as if every expectation were coming true."

One of the hardest things for me is to hold a thought for a prolonged period of time. I heard that the average person can hold a thought for 2 seconds max. I also heard that in order for a thought to sink to our subconscious, it will have to be concentrated on for at least 17 seconds. We have much to learn. I have much to learn.

I have taken it upon myself to "watch myself and my thoughts" before I go to sleep and I'm amazed at how chaotic these thoughts are. While most of them are positive, they are incomplete and one thought has nothing to do with the next thought, some are chopped half way through, then there is a big gap right before several thoughts rush through again. Quite fascinating and also disturbing at the same time.

I am realizing that my ego has one job: to keep me alive and to keep me busy with DOING.

If I can manage to quiet my thoughts and to manage my thoughts by holding on to a deliberate thought with purpose, then my ego quiets itself and I am at peace.

I am learning that either my ego manages me or I can learn to manage my ego. I prefer to be in charge, not only of my body, but especially of my thoughts.

I hope these words from Christian Larson help you as well!

The Future Takes Place Now

There are so many movies and documentaries and books out there that stress the value of living in the "NOW." Yet we continue to borrow from the past or escape to the future, in a frenzy trying to avoid the present. Yet all wisdom, all gems, all love, all gifts are in the NOW, right here as you read these words. As your brain is working to formulate and translate these words into every fiber of your being. Do you feel it? Or does your Self automatically slip into the past remembering an scenario, or perhaps you are already planning for the future.

Here are Christian Larson's recommendations on using affirmations and ideals in the present, in order to shape and form your future:

"When you have made up your mind what you want to do, say to yourself a thousand times a day that you will do it. The best way will soon open. You will have the opportunity you desire. If you would be greater in the future than you are now, be all that you can be now. He who is his best develops the power to be better. He who lives his ideals is creating a life that actually is ideal. There is nothing in your life that you cannot modify, change or improve when you learn to regulate your thought. Our destiny is not mapped out for us by some exterior power; we map it out for ourselves. What we think and do in the present termines what shall happen to us in the future."

Believe in your Self

Yesterday I ran into someone whom I hadn't seen in over 5 years. The person graciously shared with me a flattering thought they had about me many years ago - unbeknownst to me. It made me blush and yet the invisible pat on the back was surely an ego boost. Ever wonder why it is that others can see our qualities better than we give ourselves credit for?

I often walk through life feeling so much "less than" others, less important, less educated, less wealthy, like they have it all together when I am struggling still "at this age" when I "should be" so much farther along. And so on. Yet teaching this new class of wonderful women I am learning that everyone has the same insecurities and vulnerabilities.

Yet by feeling insecure we are not helping anyone, especially not ourselves...or those that we want to help so much.

Perhaps these words from Christian Larson will boost your self-esteem like they have mine:

"When you think of yourself do not think of that part of yourself that appears on the surface. That part is the smaller part and the lesser should not be pictured in mind. Think of your larger self, the immense subconscious self that is limitless both in power and in possibility. Believe in yourself but not simply in a part of yourself. Give constant recognition to all that is in you, and, in that all have full faith and confidence. Give the bigger being on he inside full right of way. Believe thoroughly in your greater interior self. Know that you have something within you that is great than any obstacle, circumstance or difficulty that you can possibly meet. Then in the full faith in this greater something, proceed with your work."

Moving Forward – Never Giving Up

Do you ever feel like the world is too heavy for you to carry? There is too much work, not enough hours in the day, and before you know it your motivation and energy to even begin the work has left you - leaving you wondering why you suddenly procrastinate all that needs to get done...

I've been feeling like this lately - simply wanting to stay out of the office because the papers are piling up, work needs to be done, but because of the type of work (taxes, filing, reorganizing) I make excuses to postpone it to tomorrow, then tomorrow, then tomorrow.

And if you know a little bit of Feng Shui, then you know that clutter has a powerful effect on keeping us stagnant and stuck.

Or perhaps you need to clear your life in general (from negativity, or people who are negative), and you postpone and you delay and you procrastinate. And before long where there was one tiny challenge, there now is a big elephant of a problem.

I hope these words help.

More wisdom from Christian Larson:

"Man lives to move forward, to move forward is to live more.

"To live more is to be more and do mpre; and it is being and doing that constitutes the path of happiness.

"The more you are the more you do, the richer your life, the great your joy. But being and doing must always live together as one.

"To try to be much and not try to do much is to find life a barren waste. To try to do much and not try to be much is to find life a burden too heavy and wearisome to bear.

"The being of much gives the necessary inspiration and the necessary power to the doing of much.

"The doing of much gives the necessary expression to the being of much. And it is in the bringing forth of being through the act of doing that produces happiness that is happiness.

"Being much gives capacity for doing much. Doing much gives expression to the richest and the best that is within us. And the more we increase the richness of that which is within us, the more we increase our happiness, provided we increase, in the same proportion, the expression of that greater richness.

"The first essential is provided for by the being of much; the second, by the doing of much; and the secret of both may be found by him who lives to move forward."

Be Strong

As I am going through a heartache and some personal mourning, Christian Larson's words are soothing balm to my heart and soul. May you find something to hold on to in his words as well, even if it's only the strand that keeps you from drowning in your sorrow today.

"Man is ever in search of strength. It is the strong man that wins. It is the man with power that scales the heights. To be strong is to be great; and it is the privilege of greatness to satisfy every desire, every aspiration, every need. But strength is not for the few alone; it is for all, and the way to strength is simple. Proceed this very moment to the mountain tops of the strength you now possess, and whatever may happen do not come down. Do not weaken under adversity. Resolve to remain as strong, as determined and as highly enthused during the darkest night of adversity as you are during the sunniest day of prosperity. Do not feel disappointed when things seem disappointing. Keep the eye single upon the same brilliant future regardless of circumstances, conditions or events. Do not lose heart when things go wrong. Continue undisturbed in your original resolve to make all things go right. To be overcome by adversity and threatening failure is to lose strength; to always remain in the same lofty, determined mood is to constantly grow in strength. The man who never weakens when things are against him will grow stronger and stronger until all things will delight to be for him. He will finally have all the strength he may desire or need. Be always strong and you will always be stronger."

Promise Yourself

Life has been fragile since my return from yet another visit with death. I've had more lives than a cat and I once again find myself on a journey fighting to want to be here in this suit, making a difference in the world. And as I search for meaning and my new path, I came across an e-book I downloaded several years ago, by Christian Larson. Although written around the 1900s, his words are exactly what I need to hear. I will be posting snippets of his work that resonate with me, in the hopes that you too can find encouragement, meaning and strength of character from within.

Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Promise Yourself These Things!

Gratitude for “What a Journey”

My last official post from April 20th was written with a big stomach ache. Little did I know that I was posting it with a ruptured appendix. What’s interesting is that the day before, on Sunday, I made my “usual list” of people currently in my life, their purpose and my purpose in theirs. I was sad to see that so many paths with the people on my “list” had come to an end. I had become the “unpaid” therapist and the shoulder so many lean on, yet no one really had the strength to stand on their own without reverting back to chaos. It saddened me to see what I perhaps handed out was sympathy rather than self-empowerment. I asked the Universal forces to help me release them and send them on their way with my blessings. This was Sunday.

Monday morning I started to develop a stomach ache and I remember sitting and meditating while realizing that the “digestion of letting go” of these people was painful. By Monday evening I was so ill that I started to vomit uncontrollably. "I definitely had chewed off too much by letting go so many people at once," is what I thought to myself, thus my vomiting. I posted “Flow” because it’s what I told myself all day long: “Flow with this, let them go in peace, flow with it. This is the part you burst into fragments and into many pieces, flow with it.”

By Wednesday in the middle of the night I had collapsed after going to the bathroom and my teenager woke up and called 911. By the time I got into surgery my appendix had been ruptured for approximately 48 hours, the doctor said. Thursday I started to develop pneumonia and everyone was concerned that I would not make it.

Everyone but me.

I was busy in my mind sorting through the lessons and asking countless questions: Why this? Why now?

Five days and five burst IV infections later I was released last Monday. I immediately came home and got into Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life,” where I found exactly what I suspected:

“Appendicitis: Fear of flow of life.”

Yes! I was definitely scared to take the flow of life the way I had mapped it out. Losing people once again!? I feel like every month, every quarter, I make new friends and I let others go. I’m not even half way through my life journey and I feel like I constantly sift and sift…

Then I remembered what my Tibeten Master taught me. The belly button remains our only physical and emotional connection to our mother, and it’s also our “fear” center. Unresolved or relationships that are still too attached to our mothers bring forth a more painful belly button when pushed in by the thumb. My belly button doesn’t hurt when I push it in with my thumb, however, I have had my gallbladder removed through my belly button and now my appendix. Twice have I attempted to perhaps disconnect my own relationship to motherhood (or turn it inside out). Perhaps not my own mother, but maybe the mother I am to everyone out there.

It's time for me to stop being a mother to everyone and let people fly on their own. Everyone creates their own reality - and therefore everyone can get themselves out of the messes they have created by themselves. All I can be from now on is a catalyst...

I’m on a journey and rather than bringing sympathy to people, which is of no use to anyone at all, I choose to help people find their own power from within themselves.

You have a journey to walk, a path that you’ve agreed to undertake in this life time. Live it to your fullest!