Letting Go - Moving – Changing – New Beginnings

Four years ago and after an almost 15 year marriage my husband and I separated; a year later my daughter and I moved on by selling the house she grew up in and moving into a townhouse. We needed a new beginning, a new start, in a new place where we would make new memories…

After 3 years we left this townhouse only 3 days ago and have settled into a new place once again. Well, the place isn’t new, in fact it’s an old house in the hills of Mill Valley, only a hundred yards away from the Bay and a gorgeous jogging and bike path that stretches over several miles into Sausalito.

While the surroundings are definitely a lot more convenient and much more beautiful (see photo here of the actual dog park by the tree on the left, taken by Dan Heller), the actual living space is not beautiful at all. I am finding myself sitting here and wondering how I ever got to this place. Then I ask myself what “this place” really means. Who is it that is judging? What is “this place” and why does it feel and sound like a complaint? After all, I pay $1000 less rent per month, which is a huge deal, and have at least 50% less traveling to do in my car because of this new location. And on and on I could go with the positives. Yet, I'm stuck on the negatives...

While emptying boxes with a slight to moderate attitude about various things, I wondered how I had become such a snob. Why was this new place “not good enough” or “beneath” what I should have at this stage in my life? Who says how things should be anyhow? Why was I so darn unsatisfied about seemingly taking a few steps backwards rather than forward? After all, I moved into a space half the size giving away more than half of my belongings, none of which was older than two years…Why this rumbling complaining?

I still needed to go pick up our one year old puppy from my friend who kept him for a few days while we took care of the move. Here is a picture of our little "ham." We picked him up and he sat on my daughter’s lap while driving to our new place. I was about to witness a great miracle, perhaps with little to no meaning to anyone, except me. And I will share it nonetheless…

Here are some pictures of the views I enjoyed in the townhouse I just moved out of. Pictures of the new place are soon to come. I was in particular exited to show him his new yard. We moved from a townhouse on a hill with 3 balconies but no yard, to the bottom half of a duplex with a yard just for him (and us of course). I was certain that he would want to spend most of his time in the yard playing around and being outside. How wrong I was.

After he sniffed along the path to his new place he "christened" his one new bush and walked into his home and jumped up at us squealing of joy to see us after having been gone all these days (he was gone for 3 days). He kept jumping on our laps as if he hadn’t seen us in 3 decades. We walked him around the yard but he wasn’t interested in anything except being close to us and showing us how much he missed us.

This is his second day here at this new place and while he seems to have settled in just perfectly, all he seems to be interested in is being close to one of us. He was like this at our old place; he hasn't changed, his attitude is still the same: he wants us; he doesn't care about the new surroundings, the yard, the new dog park (the old one was just fine). All he cares about it being close to us and spending time with one of us.

We went to the new dog park twice today and he doesn’t care about the new dogs as much, he just cares about being able to run around while smelling all the new aromas on the field and he doesn’t leave my side.

Why is it that we as human beings can’t or won’t adjust to change as quickly and as willingly as our “best friends” do? All they care about is being close to us. Yet when we are about to change our lives we start to worry about everything else except the people that we want to be closest to in the first place. Being in this new place allows me to work part time and remain a stay-home Mom to my teenager daughter. She is almost 15 and last night she asked me to snuggle in her bed with her before I go to bed. Such a bond between mothers and teenage daughters is not an every-day occurance and I am realizing that just like my puppy displays affection so openly, my daughter wants to spend time with me too (even though she has a teenage way of expressing it at times). Yet how often have I sacrificed my time with my child for a better place to live (and said that I do it for my family)?

So I’m learning once again that I need to live in the moment. Thinking ahead has its time and place and is certainly advantageous when applied correctly. Unfortunately I find myself worrying more than anything when I think of anything other than just this very moment, which is all I have in reality anyway. No value can ever be place on Time. Time is all anyone ever wants. So much so that we pay therapists big bucks for them to give us the undivided time and attention that no one else in our lives seems to give us!

I’m realizing that I have not meditated as much and as thoroughly and deeply and as freely as I used to in the past. These past few weeks have been stressful, the packing, the selling and giving away of furniture, helping my landlady find a new tenant for my old place and helping 4 women graduate this Wednesday by helping them get their first business plans together, has all been a lot of work. I also launched my new website, http://www.inspirationtolive.com, and although it’s a work in progress, it was a lot of writing and designing with still more to come.

Many of you are out there keeping busy for good reasons and not so good reasons. No matter what your reasons are and in "what name" you do it for (supposedly), don't forget that you can't buy the present time with money, no matter how hard you try. Although I have quite a few things I can “check” off my to-do list, I have to continually ask myself: “What have I REALLY accomplished over these past few days/weeks/months? Whom have I really, really helped? Has my life and my existence meant something to anyone over these past few weeks? Was anyone glad that I was here? Or was my life in vain over these past few months?”

I don’t ever want to spend days in vain, or even hours. I want to walk in this four-layered body suit of mine with intention and consciousness and purpose through this journey called life. And so I am at peace and I rest that there is a grander purpose for me to be here on this street, in this town, in this little place at this moment in time. It’s not forever, it’s just for now…

So wherever you are, good or bad, know that it’s only temporary. But also acknowledge that you got yourself there and that it is by your choice that you are where you are. And it will be by your choice to move on from where you are now, to a new place that hopefully represents growth on your evolutionary journey.

I am sending you blessings and love and only rays of sunshine to brighten your journey!