What’s a Man To Do?

Imagine this story. A young, handsome teenage boy turns into a young man, enjoying life, women and his sexuality. He can’t get enough of it, takes every opportunity he has to be with another woman and often “lines up” the next one before he “dumps” the current one. Soon he approaches his 30s and the drive to have a family arises and with it the wish to get married, to stay faithful, to have a family and a true partner for life.

He finds her, this partner for life, they get married and they have two boys. They buy a house and the dog, of course, and all seems dandy. She’s a stay-home mom while he’s out working and earning the bacon. He’s happy, she’s happy – at least at the forefront. He’s a really handsome guy and gets offers to be with other women left and right, and he graciously declines. After all, he’s found his life partner. She too is a beautiful, tall woman, not bad to look at and she too gets hit on by men on a frequent basis. To no avail, because she too has found her life partner and they now have a family to raise.

On the trot through life, every day pretty much looks like the previous one. He goes to work while she stays home with the two little boys. All is well, at least for a while. The boys are getting to be Kindgarten age now and the daily routine the way they used to know it is shifting just a tad bit. He’s still off to work every day, she’s still the stay-home Mom.

One day I ask him how his life is going and he said: “Everything’s going great except I’m frustrated with my job. I want to do more with my life and I want to build my own product, but my wife is a stay-home Mom and I can’t really afford leaving work and getting a pay cut while I am off inventing my product. And money is too tight for me to put anything else aside. So life overall is good, our marriage is great, the kids are great, I’m just frustrated professionally.”

This was 4 years ago. Yes, this is a true story.

I specifically remember feeling compassion for this man because I know better when I hear “everything’s great EXCEPT…” Anytime you hear the “except” word all it really means is that EVERYTHING is out of order, it only shows up in one area. If the Universe or Life or God would show us all the things that need to change in our life, all at the same time, we would have a heart attack and die. So we’re giving little bites to chew on. These “little flags” are here to wave at us and they’re yelling: “Hey, I’m not okay in here, do something about it!” And yet we dismiss it as “everything’s okay, EXCEPT this one little thing over here.”

So 4 years pass and I ran into this gentleman perhaps 2 or 3 times over the past year. I just saw him again and he seemed to have lost a lot of weight. I stopped him and we talked.

Over the past year he has been trying to continue working on his business idea while keeping the same job. His wife continued being a stay-home Mom and money continued to be tight, even tighter, because the boys are getting bigger. Last year they discovered that one of their little boys was not quite developing the way he should have. He wasn’t talking, his balance was off, many things worried them and he was tested for a terminal disease. They found out that he had some physical handicaps that would affect him and them for the rest of their lives.

The wife snapped.

Suddenly she went on a rampage telling her husband that it’s all his fault and that he wasn’t making enough money and that he should be the provider and on and on she went. The way she is dealing with all of these issues that life is dealing them is by hanging out with the wrong crowd, going out partying in the middle of the week, coming home at 3 a.m. or not coming home at all. She doesn’t love him anymore and now she wants a divorce because “it’s all his fault for not making enough money.” However, there is no money for her to move out and get her own place because she’s been taken care of since she was 21 years old.

He reacts to this by going to counseling, trying to find out where he went wrong and how he can stick in there with her while she’s going through this rough time. He lost 35 pounds because he’s been too stressed. While she’s out partying and disappears all weekend, he’s working and then taking care of his two boys full time. He’s desperately trying to hold on to the house and continue paying for the mortgage on his own, but it’s getting tougher.

And needless to say, their sex life has been non existent for almost a year.

When is Enough enough?

I was not in the exact same position in my marriage, but my husband and I certainly went through our financial troubles and we certainly experienced strain in every department of our lives. And yes, we didn’t have sex for 8 months, the next year for 6 months, and so on. Everyone seems to experience this droughts at some point in their life and their marriage. The question is, what can be done? What should be done? What are they going to do? And what about the children who are caught in the middle?

You, my reader, are on your own evolutionary journey and you have chosen to be in this body living your current life, on purpose. The question is: Are you living your life to the fullest? Are you truly wanting to do with your life what you have come to do? Are you sacrificing your Life and your Self for some myth just so you can fit into someone else’s box and say “I did it!” when it’s all said and done? Who are you? And who are you living your life for if not for you?

This man saw the warning signs 4 years ago but remember, all was well except the job thing. No, not all was well, everything was out of order back then, it only showed up in one area because it would have been easier to deal with one area than to now swallow this entire elephant at once.

Four years ago he had to deal with this:

• Marriage: great
• Wife: great
• Sex Life: great
• Health: great
• Children: great
• Self: great
• Job: needs improvement

Four years later here is what it looks like:

• Marriage: hanging on a thread
• Wife: miserable, partying, losing herself, perhaps cheating on husband
• Sex Life: non existent
• Health: not good, lost 35 pounds because of stress
• Children: under way too much pressure, missing their Mom
• Self: questioning Self, wondering what happened, in counseling looking for answers
• Job: still needs improvement but is now shoved to the end of the line because of all the other more important things

We all live a picture similar to the above example, only the bullet points are different. If you were to take a snap shot of your life today in the same way, you would see that your life too has areas that are out of balance. You can predict very easily what your life is going to look like 4 years from today, or 10 years from today, if you do not take care of those out-of-balance areas right now.

Don’t delay – please don’t put yourself in a box pretending that “all is well” when in fact Life is calling you to grow and change.

Much love and strength and passion to continue on your path to freedom!