When The Heart Seems to Break and Our Body is Red Flagging Us

My neck has been hurting for a few days and last night I was having a difficult time sleeping and couldn’t find the right position for my neck. I had ignored it on the first day and “blamed it” on my having talked on the telephone while holding the phone between my shoulder and ear. Thinking that it would go away after a day of good stretching at the gym, it actually has gotten worse. Yesterday I finally took the time to sit down and meditate about it. Why was I stiff-necked? What did I have my blinders on for? Whose side did I not want to see? After all, our necks are for us to turn our heads so we can see in all directions.

As I took inventory of the past two weeks, I realized that I had been more and more tense and irritable and it showed in the way I dealt with my daughter. She seemed to have found some extra buttons I didn’t know I had, and she pushed them like a little 2 year old that just found a treasure.

But there was something else. Something that takes courage to be open about, at least for me.

Two weeks ago a gentleman asked for my phone number. Over the past year I had hoped he would ask for my number, and he finally did (patience is a virtue after all).

Something was wrong though, I couldn’t put my finger on it. As soon as I walked away I felt something not being right. Do you ever get this feeling? I tried to brush it off and go with the flow of life and “wait and see” what happens. After he didn’t call me for 4 days, I decided to listen to my intuition and find out what this feeling was about. I asked him why he asked me for my phone number and besides assuring me that he will definitely call, he also told me that he was “kind’a seeing someone” but that it’s “coming towards the end.”

(I’m backup plan B for this guy!?)

There it was! My intuition was hinting at something, even though I had to find out for myself what it was (or I could have chosen to ignore it and just wait).

I had a choice to make. Did I want to go with my emotional and physical feelings and “wait” for this guy to get his act together, or did I want to stick up for myself and forget about him (see previous post on sticking up for ourselves)? I decided that neither is really necessary or applicable.

When building specs ask for a 4x4 post, any building contractor will use a 4x4 post. The strongest point of a 4x4 is in the center. If he were to use two 2x4s put together, he would find a center that is hallow, empty, and weak. Just like this relationship would have been. He is a “square peg in the round hole” – something neither of us would have been happy with, and heart ache would have been the end result.

Am I still attracted to this guy? Absolutely, I was a year ago. And for over a year I have been wondering “what if.” Now the wondering is over, now I know. Although he may have wondered why I was riding him so hard about not calling, I had nothing to lose and only time and honor to gain. I was divinely blessed to find out right away, before my heart got involved too much and before I gave something away that I could never take back.

So yes, I’m a bit sad, but mostly I’m curious as to why I attracted an unavailable guy. If Lao Russell’s words are true when she says: “The whole universe is a mirror which reflects back to us that which we first reflect forward into it,” then my work here is not done. In fact, it may have just begun. It’s obvious from my neck pain and until I am getting this lesson figured out my body will continue to “flag me” down.

So when your body is talking to you even if in the slightest way, try not to dismiss it. Listen to it, take your time and sit with it, ask it to tell you what’s up. And it will, your body is your greatest friend, an assembly of symbols and mechanical extensions that act up when they’re not at ultimate peace within your higher self.

Life is an amazing journey and I hope you feel as blessed as I am to be a part of the greater divine plan.

May rays of sunshine brighten your path and your face today so you can glow and radiate!