Speaking Up For Ourselves

Do you ever feel like you’re not sticking up for yourself? Like you are saying “yes” way too many times when you mean to say “no?”

Just this week I had a conversation with a good friend about wanting to learn to speak up for myself and being able to say “no” when I am unable or unwilling to do something for someone. I brought it up with her because she is my accountability partner, a coach, and I wanted her to call me on it when I say “yes” too much when in fact I should be focusing on something else. Interestingly enough as it usually happens this way, once we truly devote to learning a lesson and really want to get better at something, we are given the entire Universe to support us and back us up. “Ask and receive” truly works, what I’m learning is to ask carefully, very carefully indeed, because I have a tendency to always get what I’m asking for.

So this morning I ran into a gentleman with whom I cross paths sporadically, and during the regular “how was your week” question I sensed a bit of sadness, a bit of depletion if you will. I wasn’t going to poke and prod (another lesson I’m learning), when he voluntarily said: “You know, I’ve been involved in this relationship with this woman and we’re just not happy together. She lives with me and I feel like I’m being taken advantage of, yet every time I speak up about it, she shuts me down and then I shut down and stop talking all together.” He went on explaining that after those talks nothing happens between their relationship, there are no changes, only more depression. When I asked him how he was handling this depression he said: “When I’m home at all I generally sleep.” “Because you’re so depressed?” I asked. “Yes, isn’t that sad?”

Yes, it is sad and yet so common and happens more often than we want to admit. I certainly have been there.

As our conversation went on he changed subject (at least that’s what he thought) and he started talking about his two children. He talked about how they are working and are holding jobs, but how he really wished that they would have achieved more and done something better with their lives. He wishes that they would stick up for themselves and go for what they have always dreamed about.

He may have thought that he changed the subject, yet it’s so clear to see - there is no such thing. Our main life lessons are always before us, in all categories and present with all people we associate with. The Universe is attempting to bring to us the lessons we asked for by means of various different angles in the hopes that one of those will make those scales fall off our eyes. Yet when depression hits all those angles only serve to get us even more overwhelmed.

So I asked him what he was going to do about his dilemma. He said: “I’ll keep plugging along, one day at a time.”

I didn’t know the gentleman well enough and it was not my place to say this to him, nor did he ask. However, for those men out there who are reading this, here is my answer (and women, please provide your valuable feedback here). I’m a pretty powerful woman who knows what she wants. I live my life with purpose and with passion (even though it wasn’t always like this). Having talked to many powerful women I speak for many, there is nothing that turns us on as much and gives us as much emotional security than a man who knows what he wants, a man who has found his purpose in his life and sticks up for what and who he believes in. A man with unshakable faith is truly a rare find. And the opposite is just as true. There is nothing that will make me run to “Tarshish” faster than a man who looks at a job to “just get by” and a man who won’t stick up for himself. The edge on any cliff is a lonely space, and people who live there do so by design and purpose. If a man can’t stick up for himself, how in the world will he ever be able to stick up for his woman or their relationship when it comes down to it? First we need to learn to respect ourselves and not let others trample on us and take advantage of us, before we can expect anyone to respect us.

The world thinks that what women want is security. That’s only partially true. What most women want (at least the ones that are marriage material) is emotional security. A powerful woman can earn her own living, she doesn’t need a man to do that for her anymore. What she can’t do is give herself emotional security that comes from living with her true life partner, for that it truly takes two. Does this mean she is insecure without her man? Absolutely not, in fact she is resolved and has agreed to live her life alone if it had to come to that, rather than settle for someone who is not able to handle her. Her security is knowing herself to the core. Her blessing is merging with the one partner who is able to handle her energy, her vibrations, her power and her strength, her love and her devotion. And that she cannot do without her man, and she knows that.

As far as this gentleman is concerned, he can’t even hold his own space, how can he possibly hold his partner’s and even set her free? Perhaps he will see that since this is his third relationship that looks identical to the others, that this is one of his main lessons. If he doesn’t get it this time, he’ll just attract another woman giving him the same lesson (only magnified).

For me, it was the push I needed for me to learn to stick up for myself and to be true to myself. Now I’m on the practice road. It may get uncomfortable at times, but isn’t that what living on the edge is all about?

Go be true to yourself at all times: when you look in the mirror there will only be one person ever staring back at you, no matter how much you want to change this, it will always only be you – so be kind to yourself so you can be proud of yourself!

And my blessings accompany you on your journeys.